i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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