I look better un-naked...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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