That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
