You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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