Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he shaved USA in his pubs
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
