i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
