Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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