I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
