so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
