so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
