how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Randomize