meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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