i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
