After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
