Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
