And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ok first of all what the fuck
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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