Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
