I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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