Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
