Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
