I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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