He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
this hospital has no fireball
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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