I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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