i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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