I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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