remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
