I just pynch a tree in the face
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
