I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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