Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
