Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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