You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
