Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
