hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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