I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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