You can't special order awesome
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
