Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
