Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
