I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
