I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
