The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need moral support for this bender
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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