I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
