I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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