we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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