exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need a burrito and a hug.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
