Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
