Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize