Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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