Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
