Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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