I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
