there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I understand Curling. That high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
