she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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