So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
