I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
