Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
