Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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