There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize