Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
