They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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