i used baking grease as lip gloss
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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