Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sarcasm needs its own font
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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