i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
