You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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