I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
