His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
