I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
