the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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