Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
