I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
